Jealous Kind

Jars of Clay- Jealous Kind

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends

You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind

Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than to be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride

This song was released in November 2003...and I just discovered it about three weeks ago, which is pretty much par for the course when it comes to the love relationship I have with music. But although I'm a little late on the up-take, I generally make up for lost time by playing the song over and over and over again. Anyone who's had the privilege of riding in a car with me during one of these song obsession periods is well-aquainted with this tendency. 

Anyways, I stumbled upon "Jealous Kind" while on the car ride home from a friend's wedding a few weeks ago... and fell in love instantly. In my general cynical attitude towards relationships, it is so easy to forget the INCREDIBLE love story that is the gospel- the epic, true story of Jesus. God, in the flesh, who desires to have a personal relationship with us, so much so that he endured brutal suffering here on Earth so that we might have a chance to find our way back to him- that we would have a CHOICE to turn from everything our world tells us is satisfying and simply accept His gift- love in its purest form, a crazy beautiful and undeserved opportunity to walk hand in hand with the One who loves us in a way that we will probably never fully understand. The love a Creator has for His creation, the love a bridegroom has for his bride. 

And yet I forget. 

All of the time. 

I sit around wondering if healthy relationships are even possible, if life is simply a repeating story of being broken by the flawed nature of myself and of those around me. Wondering if I will always be enslaved to the mistakes of my past, and paralyzed by fear of messing up again in the future. I so easily forget that even when it doesn't feel like it, I am WELL LOVED. There is grace and there is redemption and I am involved in an EPIC love tale with the Creator of the universe. The One who knit me together in my mother's womb and who knows the number of hairs on my head. The One who knows my heart and understands my fears. The One who is faithful, who keeps His promises, and who never stops bringing me back to Him no matter how far or how often I wander. And although I'm bound to forget again, there is hope. 

And there is music... even if I discover it 8 years late.